just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
