If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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