If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
