ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize