I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
