i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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