Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
