Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
