You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Drake has all the answers
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
