JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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