I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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