The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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