***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
