I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
