I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If I die, sorry about rent.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
