Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
