Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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