WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
