FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize