Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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