I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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