it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
