Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
