I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
