so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
