I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
