So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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