Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
