No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
