the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize