Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
