guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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