He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
