Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
