ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
