The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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