Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
