dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
