Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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