turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
