you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
