My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
