does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
