Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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