there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize