I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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