he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Randomize
