make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
