McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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