I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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