he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
