your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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