She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
