Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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