Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
