I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
