You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
