I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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