I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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