The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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