u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
