East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
