My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
