Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
