I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she peed on how many people?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
