just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
