i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
