your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
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