Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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