I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You're like the curious george of whores
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
