it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
