My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How naked do you want me to be?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
