apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
