At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
