I didn't shave. On purpose
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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