this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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