I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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