So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
