What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
