You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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