on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
