the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think a kid would responsible me up
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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