My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
