you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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