Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
